Mortal mitosis (English translation)

Mortal mitosis
The first day
Mick was staring at a biology book with a frightening look. A few years ago, when he chose this particular university, it all seemed so interesting, but now the pictures featuring various single cell organisms resembled an unending day. The chapter he was currently studying described the mitosis process in great detail, and Mick was completely blown away by the congeries splattered on the page. He was already nauseous, and he’d been reading for only five minutes. Conjuring all his ambition, he decided to storm the hill head on. It was pretty simple, a cell is ruptured at the middle and then there were two, identical ones. Heh! He would surely pass the exam. He scribbled some notes on his small notebook, a short summary of the chapter: O – 8 – o o. Very easy and very complex, all at the same time. Mick started to fool around in the chair like he’d won a Nobel prize and was giving an acceptance speech, thanking his professors. Three T-shirt caught his attention however. They were nicely placed on the sofa, most likely by his mom. Funny thing … they were identical, red with a big, white logo on the front. He tried to make sense of this, to find a logical explanation as to why his mother would buy him three identical shirts, seeing how he had no brothers. Even if he had one, he wouldn’t dress the same way as they would. He soon brushed this away as „inherent stupidity of adults” so he tried one on, and it looked pretty decent. An abysmal fatigue was climbing its way so he laid down on the couch for a nice nap. Biology won’t go away anytime soon so he demanded sleep from his tired brain. The brain complied.
The second day
His brain was pulsating in a grave manner. The pain was almost unbearable and Mick was pretty sure it was from reading biology books. Something strange was amiss again, only one red shirt was on the couch. He startled violently as his sight rose onto his desk. On his chair, someone was looking back at him, but not anyone. It wasn’t his mother, his father or any of his friends. It was him, or an identical copy, anyway. The situation was freaky, to say the least, but he hasn’t dropped acid for a year now. Or a few weeks, he wasn’t really sure.
– Greetings, Mick, said the being. I’m pretty sure you’re trying to remember if you took any drugs and are therefore hallucinating. I assure you that’s not the case. You see, your brain is rather special. Over the course of last night, your cerebellum decided you’re too stressed out over this exams business and you need a helping hand. And who better to help you than … YOURSELF? I think the process is called mitosis, I have vague memories about this.
– No, no! This is not possible, babbled Mick. Mitosis can only occur in simple cells. Of course, I didn’t read all the …
– Mick, baby, calm down! Look, we got this. You’re gonna stay home and read for the exam. Your future depends on it.
– Yeah, yeah, you’re right, I guess. Wait a minute, if I’m here studying, what are you gonna do? You can’t stay here, someone will surely see you.
– Well, dear Mick, said the Mick clone, I’m gonna go to a party in the city.
– That’s a great idea! Wait, is it Jasper’s party? But I wanted to go …
The copy was already gone out the window leaving Mick thinking he was duped. This whole mitosis thing was putting a strain on his brain and the headache was getting stronger. He decided to go back to sleep and maybe with some luck he would dream something nice.
The third day
His brain was slowly melting away and his eyes were on the verge of a massive explosion. Mick was now pretty sure biology wasn’t the cause of his torture, and that fact was confirmed by the disappearance of the last T-shirt. Another copy, wearing the same stupid red shirt, was reading his book on his chair. Mick wanted to say something, but he only managed to mumble some sounds. In return, his chin caught some drool coming out of his wide open mouth.
– Good morning, Mick. I presume that you figured out that your cerebellum decided, yet again that you need even more help. Your first clone was produced in order to keep up with your „stormy social life, and the second, meaning me, to study and of course take your exams. I don’t need to say that I will also score really high marks. You look pretty bad, emoted him with concern. I think you need more sleep.
– Baaaaah! screamed Mick. I’ve had it with my senseless cerebellum and his clones. If you two do this, what am I going to do?
– Mick, calm down please. You don’t want your parents to be alerted by this. My advice is to go someplace else, somewhere nobody knows you. There you can do whatever you want, something you can’t do here. You can return after I graduate and get a job, far from here. It’s a win-win situation.
– Win-win? I’ll show you guys win-win …
The forth day
There was a killer heat wave coming from everywhere. The air, the scorched ground, it was like the whole world was boiling. It was no surprise to anyone that the desert was hot. Mick already knew this. He had been digging for two hours now, but now he could relax. He drank a whole liter of water with one choke and wiped his forehead. That’ll teach those clones, and his brain, to not mess around with Mick. Or you will end up buried in the desert. He giggled a bit, seeing how he committed suicide. Twice. A lot of people would have been horrified by this, but he’d gone through some weird situations before. For him it was actually funny. There was only one thing left to do now. He grabbed the biology book and threw it in the hole and started throwing sand on it.


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